Voyeurism Pays or You Learn Something New Every Day

While blogging, I find the most bizarre things...

Did you know that San Francisco holds an annual self-pleasure marathon

All giggling aside; this is supposed to be about safe-sex.

In the 20 odd years that I've been associated with HIV/AIDS charities, we've been teaching people that there is no such thing as "safe sex"; safer sex, yes, but safe sex, no...

The "masturbate-a-thon which was founded by a San Francisco sex-toy company: "Good Vibrations" and is a direct result of the firing of Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders. If you recall; (and who would?) Elders was fired for stating that masturbation "is perhaps something that should be taught" about when discussing youth sexual options.

Discuss "masturbation" with my children? Hubby and I kiss and we get a four-part harmoney of "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!".

I never really thought of masturbation as "sex". But I suppose it is. Which means that there really is such a thing as "safe sex". Who'da thunk it?

Now... is THAT a dialogue one really wants to open with their own children?

Violated... send that Tylenol back, wouldya?

You know you're having one of those days when your husband asks you what you want to do and your first thought comes to you in a gritty underworld voice... "Kill the children!"

You and I both know that I'm not the only one to ever think that. And, I'm not referring to parents like Robert and Laura Latimer who killed their severely handicapped child to put her out of her misery, or animals like gerbils who eat their young believing that their existence will decimate the food supply. I'm referring of course to parents who for no other explicable reason than a "t-square planetary alignment" suddenly believe that their children are the only reason that ills of the world exist.

You know, days like today when I open the fridge to get the hot dogs for lunch and the package is there but the hot dogs are gone; devoured by the children.

Later, I toddle to the freezer to get a popsicle that the children have been told not to touch upon threat of death, but they're gone and the empty package is left as the only evidence that they ever existed.

Then I discovered that although I've asked the child to sweep the floor, that they didn't sweep it, but swept the accumulation of all of the breakfast's toast and bagel crumbs onto the floor instead.

As if that's not enough, to add insult to injury, the migraine that I can't figure out how I got, refuses to go away, even after having taken the last two Tylenol 3s and I find that the X-tra Strength acetominaphen bottle is empty but neatly placed back into the medicine cabinet.

I told the children today that if they were rent-paying roommates, they'd be on notice to find a new place to live. It's a wonder we don't have rats.

Oh wait, we do.

We call them "children".

Website... what website???

Ring... Ring...

Hello, is that Peppermaster??

Um, yes it is, can I help you???

I tried to log into your website to place an order and it says that the products can't be found, I know they're there, they were there the other day.

Um, you're kidding... Well, I'll look into that right away... In the meantime, can I take your order over the phone???

Meanwhile, unheard by anyone but me... deep inside my head... The multitudinous voices high pitched "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

My server somehow upgraded their php drivers on the weekend... Nobody bothered to tell my php site! But of course, when they went onto my site to look and see if it was working ok, like the good service provider they are, they saw my front page, smiled and went on to the next website.

HELLO... STUPID... MY FRONTPAGE IS HTML... MY SHOPPING CART IS PHP!!!

Jeeezus, if It weren't my brother's server, I'd be killing someone. I've been sitting here taking phone orders all afternoon! THAT'S WHAT WE GOT THE WEBSITE FOR!!!

I know the old adage is 'You get what you pay for' and I know that my brother pays for my bandwidth, but nobody else on his server was taking manual orders over the phone today.

Did someone put a kick me sign on my back today when I wasn't looking???? Grrrrr.

<-- This was me once I found out that it took all of five minutes of fiddling to get my site up and running properly.

Sheesh.

Tequila Cookies

1 cup of dark brown sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup of granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ...just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you c! an find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.


Note to readers... I didn't write this, but I could have... I love Tequila.

He Makes My Nose Run...

I have to wonder if the Peppermaster's cajun is hotter in the bottle or if it really does get hotter when I throw it into a soup.

Greg just brought me leftover homemade chicken soup for lunch, he tossed in the leftover shrimp and asparagus from the salad we had for supper last night and then added the cajun sauce. Well my tummy is stuffed, my mouth is all atingle and my nose is running. Gotta love this feeling.

We spent the weekend doing outdoor shows... I really wish the weather would cooperate a little more on the weekends.. It rained almost every day; and it was a loooooong weekend, Dagnabbit! It was cold, too. So I had to wear my winter splash pants. Brrrr

We had fun though... There is nothing more fun than hurting people with hot sauce. Man, you'll probably read me say it 1000 more times before I'm done... but hoooey! It's fun. This young kid came up to the booth dressed in a Gingerbread Boy costume... (We were at the May Show in Van Kleek Hill, Gingerbread Capital of Ontario) I gave him a taste of the Chili-Chocolate and he swallowed, then he started screaming. It was bleeping hilarious, I thought my sides were going to come unglued, I was laughing so hard. Poor kid. I told him it was hot; he complained "But it's chocolate!" Geez, people, I'm selling hot sauces, what do you expect???

We went to the Three Owls Gallery to see the displays and I met a baby dragon named Basil... He was absolutely the cutest thing. Sitting on his perch, next to the entryway chained by his left claw, he seemed quite content. Crafted from polymer by one Donald Liardi, Basil would make a lovely mascot for Peppermaster... Unfortunately, with a starting price tag of at least $15,000, Basil had to be left at the gallery.

Michael Cartwright, our Art Director and resident right hand man, was showing his work as well, and that was what brought us into the gallery. Well, lo and behold, I was floored when in through the door walked one Alan Gerber! We had the honour of meeting Alan at a Breakfast TV appearance I had arranged for the Peppermaster the day before the NSDCC show opened in Halifax last November. If you haven't heard Alan's Music, do please, go to his website and listen to his music. Bad but not so Bad is a brilliant piece, and one of my favourites. If he's playing anywhere near you, I recommend you check him out. Alan has played with Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin and the Great BB King among many others. He's a show worth catching!

I got up late this morning, after sleeping in from a long weekend of work, to discover the results of two interviews that I had recently given sitting in my email box. One is available for viewing on the web, courtesy of my friends and fellow chiliheads, Joe and Linda: That interview can be seen in Joe and Lin's blog's spotlight on our sauces.

The other one is part of a book being written by author Stephanie Chandler. She's using a profile of me to highlight one of the chapters in her new book, The Business Startup Checklist and Planning Guide, soon to be released by Aventine Press.

All in all, though, it's been a pretty good day. And it's only 2:20.

Me out.

In Response to Confusion

Today's blog is in response to the great comments to Boot, Belinda Boot! And Violated, I apologize for the headache. Shall I send some Tylenol?? You'll need it when you see today's Blog ;)

As for Arabia... who loves ya? :p <-- insert graphic of Bart Simpson mooning you here. I couldn't get the graphic to work. hehe

And for Mark...

=====

What confuses you, Mark? That I’m a separatist, that I support Belinda’s crossing the floor or that I’m aware that we’re still part of Canada and thus must live with whoever is in power in Canada I’m a separatist, that’s a future tense. In the meantime, Canada is still the Government. I'm a 6th generation Newfie on my Mom's side, born in St. John's. I'm a pure laine 6th generation Quebecoise on my Father's side and I've grown up with family who has suffered at the hands of the Federal Government's promises; my Uncle Lorne is Cree, but that's not necessarily an issue here. That information in evidence, I am still and will always be Canadian, who chokes up when she sings the Canadian National Anthem at sports events. So, deep in my black little separatist heart there still burns a teeny tiny glimmer of hope that Canada will fix what ails it and I can cease to be a separatist, but I don't have much faith that what ails us will be fixed during my lifetime.

That said…

The problem with any National party agreeing with the Bloc under any circumstances is that furthering the Bloc’s agenda makes sense for the Bloc; any member of the Bloc, but it doesn’t make sense for anyone else; most especially a Conservative. See what the Conservatives fail to comprehend is that in supporting the Bloc in this initiative, they are screwing over their own constituents. I cite the two Newfie conservatives who have just no-voted themselves out of a seat come the next election; and if you think I’m kidding; bear in mind that the reason I am a separatist is because I am an relatively intelligent, educated, capable 39 year old entrepreneur who cannot work in my beloved Newfoundland because the Federal Government has lied to, raped and pillaged my home to the point where there is no work, no money and no future. I won’t go into how important the Atlantic Accord is to me, but it was REALLY important to the political future of the Conservatives in Newfoundland. Did you know that there is a Newfie Separatist Party??? Most Canadians don’t. Anyway, it’s a very BAD thing in my mind that the two Conservative MPs essentially voted against the Atlantic Accord which was 55 years in the making… and all I can say is that THAT is the very reason why Pointy-Head has no idea what’s going on in Canada.

You seem to be able to wrap your head around the idea that the Conservatives haven’t allied themselves with the Bloc because once the Liberals are out of power and the Conservatives are in, the alliance ends. What you fail to recognize, is the same thing that the Conservatives fail to recognize, it is this unholy alliance that on forcing the election that will cause them to lose the soft C seats in Ontario. Hell, half the population of Ontario consists of ex-Quebecers who fled the Bloc! I guarantee you that they would much rather live with the Liberals in power, (the devil you know vs the devil you don’t) than see Quebec separate, that was the same twisted reasoning they used to justify their fleeing Quebec and leaving the Province to the Separatists. It may be wrongful thinking, but it’s the reality of the anti-bloc mentality.

So, whether or not they actually had any discussions with the Bloc or offered the Bloc anything in exchange for the Bloc supporting the downfall of the Grits is moot. What is key, and you can verify this fact by checking all of the Federal election results for the last 20 years, is that there are NO Conservatives in Quebec, and, there are no New Democrats in Quebec. There is Bloc or there is Liberal. So, if in an election one wishes to vote against the Liberals, there is one choice and it isn’t the Conservatives; and THAT my friend is what pointy-head Harper refuses to grasp. So, conversation or no, alliance or no, any attempt to bring down the Liberals is automatically an unholy alliance and an automatic Bloc legitimacy. That’s the reality of it; welcome to Quebec.

Furthermore, everyone in Quebec is well aware of WHO called the Gomery and is well aware of the fact that Chretien and Martin were so at loggerheads, we seem to be the only people who can see that Martin’s incompetence was easily created by Jean Chretien… Is it likely that the Minister of Finance had no idea what was going on with the Sponsorship Program; easiest thing in the world! In fact, I can easily hear Chretien’s statement in my mind… “Just mek sure that espèce de merde Pol Martin hears nutting aboud dis!”… Easy, you have no idea how easy. Add to that Paul Martin’s calling the inquiry… Am I supposed to believe that Paul Martin, who has been reported as the best Finance Minister Canada has ever had, would call an inquiry KNOWING that if something, anything, got out that directly implicated HIM, he’d be ruined, if not brought up on Criminal Charges??? I don’t personally believe that he was as competent a Finance Minister as everyone would like me to believe, but I do find it very difficult to believe that he’s stupid enough to be the manufacturer of his own downfall. This isn’t about replacing the Liberals with ANYONE in Quebec, it’s about replacing the Liberals with the Bloc, and yes, as a Separatist, I’m all for that. BUT, do I think it’s right that we throw good money away on an election to toss out the sitting Government for doing something that I’m not sure they did??? I want to hear what Gomery has to say, and that to me is far more important than supporting the call for an election right now; unholy alliances aside, Bloc supporter or no.

That said. I keep hearing from the rest of Canada how the “Sponsorship Scandal” is the reason that the Bloc is polling as high as it is. Except that, it’s not the scandal that has the Bloc polling so high, it’s the Conservatives blaming US Quebecers for the scandal that has it polling so high! See, pointy-headed Harper throws out these little comments that very smart Gilles Duceppe picks up on and runs with. And one doesn’t spend a week blaming Quebec for the scandal and then simply get to be ignored for making their comments… “Oh, who I really meant to blame is the Liberals, not the Quebecers”… too late, pointy-head. We’re now convinced that Gilles is better for us than the Liberals, and check your previous election results, you haven’t a hope in hell of taking a Federal seat in Quebec, so… So long, it’s been good to know ya. Whatcha want to bet that IF an election were called right now, the Bloc would take a lot of new seats, Liberals would be out and Quebec would be facing another referendum, and who dya think would be blamed… Certainly, the Liberals would be blamed, it’s their Scandal that caused this right? Wrong, the “scandal” had Quebec further from separation than Quebec has been since I moved here in 83. Having worked in inter-provincial relations, you are in a unique position of seeing what I saw, that aside from all the thieving and Liberal pocket lining, the program WAS WORKING, DogDammit! And the fact that it’s been discredited makes me laugh. Especially since the man doing the discrediting of it, was the most vocally anti-separatist politico going. Mark, you may not fear for the future of Canada or worry about it separating, but you should. ESPECIALLY if pointy-heads like Harper move into 44 Sussex. And, fwiw, I agree wholeheartedly, someone has to answer for the scandal; but on one thing we disagree; the people who had a hand in this AND only those people should be the ones to answer. And unless Paul Martin is implicated, I personally think it’s premature to hang him for the crime that I believe he’s been set up to take the fall for. Ergo, Gomery MUST be allowed to continue, the real culprits must be held accountable; but you and I both know that neither the Bloc nor the Conservatives care whether it’s Paul Martin or Jean Chretien who takes the fall, they want the seats. And since Jean Chretien has conveniently taken his leave from the house; short of criminal charges being laid, it won’t be he. Hanging the next guy to hold the office on behalf of Chretien is simply wrong. And that is why holding an election at this time is soooooo wrong. Gomery must be allowed to fulfill his commission.

As for Stronach’s motives; We’re not going to quibble about whether or not the move was because of her personal politics or her ambition, at the very least her timing was immaculate and her rewards… Any thinking Canadian knows that these things were automatically considerations; she’s a politician for chrissakes. And whether or not she pays a price for her choices, remains to be seen… Worse has happened. I truly believe that she agrees with me about two things; that Martin hasn’t yet been implicated and closure on Gomery is required; whether or not it implicates or vindicates Martin and 2 ANY alliance that furthers the Bloc agenda is a vote against Canada, verbal, written or simply implied. And whether or not I care that Canada stays together, Belinda does; and if you don’t think that what she did saved Canada won’t matter, because she’ll go down in history for it. As for the “she did it for personal furtherance of her political career”; if YOU were a politician and YOU were going to jump ship, wouldn’t YOU do it in the most positively rewarding, flashiest way possible??? Yes, she could have gone independent, yes, she could have simply quit altogether, but instead what she did was highlight the fact that Gomery needs to be played out and gained real power for herself in reference to that. I for one really really want to know whether Paul Martin really is a lying thieving piece of dirt or just incompetent… and for years old personal reasons, I’m really hoping for the latter. Of course there is that third option where Chretien set him up, Martin was duped and is totally innocent of the scandal. I’m still hoping for the incompetence, but only Gomery can tell me the truth.

As for the NDP throwing money around, do you really think that little pet project is going to pass? It’s not an auto wash as the Conservatives would like everyone to believe, but it was a required budget in order to get the NDP to pass it. That said, I personally felt that it was a political coup. The whole job of a minority Government is to make deals and arrangements with the opposing parties in order to govern effectively, and history tells us that some of the BEST results for Canada have occurred when a minority Government worked with the opposing parties.

It was a good budget, because it would pass with the full support of the NDP. It was a good budget because it allowed the Government to stand. And it was a good budget because there was no way that Harper OR the Bloc were going to support the original budget… And finally, it was a good budget because when it passed, it would allow the Gomery to continue.

Harper and Duceppe don’t give a shit who is responsible for the scandal they simply want the power that they believe an election will give them. Duceppe WILL gain seats, Harper, I’m not so sure; especially after the way he and his caucus have behaved over Stronach’s crossing the floor.

Still confused?

Me out.

Boot, Belinda, Boot!!!

Wow... Sometimes being a newshound is a PITA. Other times, it's the most fun thing in the world to be; like today! But before I get to the real topic of my post today, I do have to fill you, dear reader, in on some details, otherwise, you'll not have the slightest clue what I'm talking about.

Anyone following Canadian politics lately knows that over the past several weeks to couple of months, something called the Gomery Commission has messed up a nice quiet Liberal minority Government.

The Gomery Commission is essentialy a trial being presided over by Superior Court of Quebec Justice John Gomery. Although, he claims it's not a trial, it's being handled as if it were one. The point of it is to discover what was going on with a whack of money that was mishandled by the last Federal Liberal Government, led by ex-Prime Minister Jean Chretien, and whose Minister of Finance was the current Prime Minister Paul Martin.

The gyst of the whole scandal is that in 1995, the Quebec Government held a referendum which had they won, would have led to the Province of Quebec separating from Canada. The referendum failed. Barely. Jean Chretien and his Caucus decided that something needed to be done to keep Quebec in Confederation (That's what we Canucks call our union of Provinces). And as such the Sponsorship Scandal, I mean Program was born.

The Sponsorship Program was supposed to spend money on advertising and programs that would help convince Quebecers that being part of Canada was a good thing. And as a Newfie separatist living in Quebec, I can personally tell you that it was working. Before the Scandal broke, Quebec was further from separation than it has been since I moved here in 1983.

The problem with Sponsorship, the "scandal" part, is that the Liberal Government took advantage of the fact that suddenly a very large sum of money was put into their hands to vaguely do whatever the needed to do to help further the ideal of keeping Quebec in Canada and this vis-à-vis Quebecers. They absconded with and essentially stole money from the coffers of the Sponsorship Scandal and deliberately didn't keep any records.

So, they launched Gomery to find out the who, whats, wheres and whens... Greed is essentially the why; so that's not important.

Anyway to bring this messy little filibuster around to what is happening today...

The Leader of the Opposition, Steven Harper, the pointy-headed one that I refer to in May 11th's blog; a Confidence Vote, announced today that he is going to back the Liberal minority Government's budget that until yesterday was his motivation for bringing down Paul Martin's Government.

More background...

The pointy headed twit, as I mentioned on May 11th, had decided to climb into bed with the Bloc Quebecois. Now under normal circumstances, this wouldn't bother me, I'm a separatist to begin with, so anything that supports kicking out the Federal Government, I'm all for and I voted bloc in every Federal Election I've been eligible to vote in for exactly this reason.

But... and this is important to understand, Steven Harper is the biggest opponent of the Bloc; has no difficulty labeling Gilles Duceppe, (the leader of the Bloc) a traitor, but then on another day, cozies up to him in Parliament as if they were of a mind, with the simple goal of bringing down the Liberal Government. What's most interesting about that, is that the Conservatives (the Opposition) are just that, conservative, they are blue, blue, blue, right wing, anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-human rights, and borderline KKK... well, not all of them, but enough of them anyway; the Bloc on the other hand is very left wing, pro-gay, pro-choice, pro-human rights and anti-KKK, AND horror of horrors, their ultimate goal is to gain enough power in Quebec, to separate the Province from the Country.

Now what pointy-headed Harper fails to realize is that the separation issue is a burning desire of the Bloc, and anything that will move the Bloc closer to that day is a good thing. Thus, the idea that the Bloc will climb into bed with the Conservatives is not only tenable, if it works, it's a great idea for them. Bringing down the house is ok, so long as it's done for the right reasons... ie, breaking up the country. Bringing down the house, because you think an election will make you Prime Minister, especially when your ally is your worst enemy, is wrong... just plain asshole in the rough, wrong.

And Harper doesn't see that.

That said.

Yesterday, front-bench Conservative Belinda Stronach (hence the title of this blog) crossed the floor yesterday, to sit in a plum Cabinet post within the Liberal Caucus.

WTF!

Now I've seen some mind-benders in my time, but this one takes the cake. Belinda Stronach is a die-hard Conservative. She actually ran (and almost won) to become the leader of the Conservative party less than a year ago. So HER crossing the floor, especially at this time, is a really big deal.

Needless to say, the absolute dearth of graciousness on the parts of certain Conservative members, most specifically those of the male gender, has been quite overt. They're all over there whining; she did it for power; she's a "dipstick"; she's whored herself to the Liberals for power and it goes on.

What's most telling is watching this from a position of not really caring how it furthers the Liberal agenda, I can easily realize how easily their reactions to Belinda's stroll, damages THEIR agenda.

Check this out... Here's a Party who for all intents and purposes believes that the Bloc is chockful of traitors, yet doesn't mind climbing into bed with them because they mistakenly believe it will further their agenda... ie, bring down Paul Martin's minority Liberal Government. (With me so far?) Now here in Quebec, they don't mind, because any anti-Liberal vote in Quebec is a Pro-Bloc vote. Mostly because the Cons in Quebec are a bunch of butt-heads who are anti-Quebec and partly because the NDP is virtually non-existent.

Well, what the Conservatives are not seeing; or at least the pointy-headed Harper isn't seeing is that by getting into bed with the Bloc, he's furthering the Bloc's agenda and jeopardizing his own career. You can't go climb into bed with the man who wants to destroy Canada if you're a National Party, the two ideas DO NOT go hand in hand. They just don't.

So here is the pointy-headed Harper trying to bring down the Government by doing exactly what Canadians are horrified of; giving the Bloc validity. So, wonder of wonders, Belinda's good sensibilities get the better of her and there she goes and boots across the floor. But now, Harper and his cronies start whining about her doing this for ambition... What??? How daft is that, of course there is ambition involved, she's a politician.

So here's some info that these pointy-headed conservatives aren't recognizing...

1. Belinda refuses to get into bed with the Bloc. That's a good thing.

2. Steven Harper realizes that he doesn't have a hope in hell of bringing down the Liberals now, so he's going to support the Liberal budget; hypcrite... why didn't he do that BEFORE Belinda crossed the floor??? LMAO

3. The problem that arises over the Conservatives suddenly supporting the Liberal budget is that in deciding to do so, they aren't going to support the good budget, which is the one that got negotiated and doctored into a better budget by the NDP AND the one that Stronach's riding wants supported, but instead, they're going to support the bad budget, the original one! THE ONE THAT PUT THEM INTO BED WITH THE BLOC!!!!

I could go on all day, but ultimately, Harper and his blue Conservatives can whine and bitch and complain all they want, they can be as sleazy as they want calling Belinda names and insulting her with their nasty little inuendo, but any thinking Canadian, and there are fortunately a lot of us, knows that Belinda by booting across the House floor to sit in the Liberal Cabinet, has furthered her career, saved Canada and killed Harper's future in one sweet little political coup.

Well done girl!

Public Speaking from the Pit of my Stomach

The worst feeling in the whole world, I think, is standing in front of a large group of people and wanting nothing more than to simply throw up or faint. Either will do. I'd gladly accept one over the other if it would make me feel better. At that moment, footlights shining in my eyes, stand back and mind your shoes. I feel I've been lucky, because, I haven't thrown up yet. Thankfully, although, sometimes it feels like I can, I haven't fainted yet either.

Stage fright is normal, it's natural and suffering from it puts me in good company. The likes of Peter O'toole and Lawrence Olivier suffered from it as well. Composer and pianist Igor Stravinsky was so overcome during a performance in 1923 that his mind went blank. The conductor had to sing it for Stravinsky to get going again. Kate Hudson, Judy Garland and even Barbara Streisand get stage fright. So why should I be different?

I had to laugh as I was sitting there counting the butterflies flitting about my belly, one of the speakers who went before me said that public speaking became easier and easier the more often he did it. I disagree. My body disagrees. That guy and anyone else who thinks it gets easier has no idea what stage fright really is. They can't. It doesn't get easier. It's just as hard as the first time I got in front of an audience and frankly, after all these years, I don't believe it will ever get any easier.

I began my speech with "I have to warn you all that I suffer from extreme stage fright, so if I happen to throw up, you'll know why." Then I proceeded to give a brilliant solliloquoy that came from the heart and lit up the room. I'm so proud of me.

Then I returned to my speaker's chair on the side of the stage delicately sat down and drank a gallon of water to drown the bugs. Phew.

The Great Bam Bam!

To begin today, this blog is not now, nor will ever be about the Flintstones.

FTS asked me to sit in on an advisory board and as I was responding to it, I had opportunity to think of Emeril.

You know who Emeril is; don't you? Anyone who watches the Food Network must know who Emeril is.

Well, Emeril Lagasse is a well-known chef. He's created a dynasty for himself, if you will, of restaurants. He's got two cooking shows on the Food Network and a pretty cool band. He's a famous chef and I used to love watching his show. Even though his verbal "Bam Bam" (which is what he yells when he sprinkles something into a recipe) bugs the hell out of me; it is his signature, after all. Which is why I call him the Great Bam Bam. Anyway, focus the emphasis here on "I used to love watching his show"... That is, until I tasted his grocery store line of hot sauces.

Kack! he built a dynasty on that???

What has happened to Nawlins???

How in Dog's name does the Big Easy, famous the world over for culinary creations of splendour and glory, give birth to the likes of "BAM!"??? I ask you??? And was it really necessary to add Yellow #5 and Blue # 1 to the Jalapeno sauce??? Yuck.

All I can say is that the only explanation for what is being offered for sale in our grocery stores with the Great Bam Bam's mug on the label is a sad legacy to commercialism. The Great Bam Bam has lost control.

Hmmm, I wonder, if the Great Bam Bam were to make the Jalapeno sauce without the funky glow-in-the-dark colouring; would it sell as well? Would he get more repeat business??? Does he use those colours in his restaurants???

Worse, when WE create our grocery store line, is the Peppermaster going to have to resort to glow-in-the-dark colouring as well??? Man, I hope not.

On that note... For supper tonight, we're having pork chops slathered in Telicherry Black and barbecued, corn (on the cob???) and a fresh tomato salsa -- we've got just enough of that curried pineapple left over to mix in it. Man, I wish Ell was coming for dinner, he'd know just the right wine to serve with it.

Me out.

More Peppers and an Apology!

So the Peppermaster(R) basically completed the new table top sauces today... I can't wait until he says "GO!" I've got a country worth of tables to rid of "T" sauce!

I've gotta tell you, working for BPFI is a marketing specialist's dream come true. I can't believe I wasted all those years in financial services! Ok... I know they weren't wasted, but hell, hot sauce is a lot more fun than mutual funds and financial planning!

I had to switch back to the Peppermaster's Cajun for lunch today. I'd been sucking on Kato's Crawfish Festival sauce for the past couple of weeks and it's gone. So when I found myself with a cheese sandwich for lunch, I actually felt at a loss... Sigh. It's not that Kato's is anywhere near as hot, so don't get me wrong, I love them both, but Peppermaster's is just that much more expensive, sigh.

Oh... the apology... Here's where I deftly change the subject.

I finally got tired of how slow my computer has been and couldn't find a backup utility on my comp to save my life... OMG, I used to back up once a week before the fire. Here I've been relying on the restore function... How sad is that? Anyway, without a backup, I started moving everything to the LaCie. Amazingly, having taken all that STUFF off my hard drive, it suddenly has room to spin... And it's working again... Whoopeee! I didn't have to format.

What I did have to do though was FILING. I HATE FILING! I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE FILING. No, I do, it's not just dislike, it's hate. It is too! Anyway, it's done now.

I've defragged, created a restore point, and now I've got a nice clean smoothly spinning hard drive... Which is really cool, and makes me giggle again especially since Violated is over there formatting her hard drive once again. hehehe. <-- Ok, I know, that was a maniacal cackle, but I can't help it, because every time I've had to format, it's been out of absolute necessity... Violated does it in lieu of squishing a stress ball for Dog's sake!! Except this time... her font obsession got her... but nevermind that's hers to tell.

So, guess what I found while I was doing the filing... I found a Canuck's apology to the US.

I didn't write it. But, I could have. I haven't the slightest clue who did. But after Jon Stewart being quoted today on FTS' blog... The spiteful one of my multiple personalities felt I absolutely had to post it. hehehe

Jon's quote? " I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."

So... here it is; the Apology. Jon Stewart and FTS... This is for you guys:<>

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

Me out.

Beyond weird...

How long have we had the Bermudian pepper spice? How long have I been selling this and only today for the first time, I pop it into my lunch.

It was sweet, but it's not hot.

Non-chili-heads are such wusses.

Me out.

A confidence vote...

I sent this email to Stephen Harper, leader of the Canadian Conservative Party today...

=====

Sir,

I don't like your politics on a good day. I don't like that you think there is nothing wrong with supporting the lies of the American Government or of stripping the Constitutional rights of gays or women. And for what it's worth, as long as you're behind these ideals, I will never vote for anyone in your party.

Don't kid yourself, Mr. Harper, about what is going on right now. Yes, we're annoyed about the truth coming out during the Gomery Commission. Yes, we're annoyed to learn that the Liberal party was involved in the sponsorship scandal. But what you aren't aware of is that until you started whining that the Government needs to be thrown out over this, Quebec was never further from separation, and you have played right into Gilles Duceppe's hands.

Whatever you may think in your pointy little head, No, we are not behind you in this election call, you're behaving like a sore loser and you're simply going to waste a great deal of money better spent on improving this country, not on furthering your PM-wannabe agenda.

Furthermore, I can't for the life of me understand how you believe that you are going to garner the support of upset liberal supporters by crawling into bed with Gilles Duceppe. All you are helping do here in Quebec is earn the Bloq more seats. You're certainly not about to win them.

You're one sad, sorry excuse for a separatist.

=====

What?

I called him "Sir".

Me out.

Politics; is that what they call it?

It's kind of funny watching a bunch of lying sleazy cheating bastards compete to see which lying sleazy cheating bastard is going to come out on top.

And the funny thing is... Society seems to be alright with it because they keep electing the scumbags and scumbags keep getting ahead.

You can go through life in North America, literally making a career out of ripping people off, pocketing money that isn't yours and nobody seems to care.

They call it politics?

What is this world coming to anyway?

Me out.

Hot sauce Imposters...

There oughta be a law!

Here I am going through life thinking that all those taste-alike hot sauces are made with Dave's hot sauce as their base.

Until now...

I just found out, they aren't made with Dave's; heck, Dave's isn't even made with Dave's.

They're all made with http://kamukcr.com/index.html.

But wait, they don't only make Dave's, they also make Melinda's, Goya and Jamaican Choice.

I don't currently have a bottle of either of the other three, but dya think their bottles might say "made in Costa Rica"?

If I weren't so stunned, I'd be ticked.

Imposters the lot of 'em. Hmmmph!

I suppose I should have known better, but... sigh.

Me out.

Can I do this without a website???

Aaaaaaaaaargh!

When the game started, I needed a simple little website, a shopping cart, our story, a place to post recipes, product reviews and maybe even a little blog, where our spice club members could post and chat about all things hot pepper.

Then it turned into an html website, a php shopping cart, a forum owned by someone else and a deep pile of things I want on the website, but can't put up there myself because I can't write php. Then the web designer disappeared. I don't know why he decided to stop talking to me, last thing he said to me was I'll call you in 20 minutes. Heck, he'd been so sick for such a long time, I thought he'd died. Well, I'm glad he didn't but either way, I'm now about 6 months behind on my web site. Grrrr. Well, it's over three weeks, longest damned 20 minutes in the history of the world, and he still hasn't called. I called him, left messages, sent emails... nada.

When he finally showed up on MSN, my son told him that we thought he was dead, he simply laughed. I still haven't heard from him.

Sounds like a personal problem, as Dad or my hubby would say. And... so it is.

Ah well, back to where I originally wanted to be with the website design, and I have the right person working on pulling the whole thing together for me. Hopefully now, a year later, it'll all come together and my site will look and work the way we want.

And if it doesn't... I'm going back to good old mail order.

Wish me luck.

Me out.

About Peppers

It's gotten to the point in my life when I realize that there are only two things in life worth doing consistently and that's eating hot peppers and if you want to know about the second, go visit an adult blog, this isn't one.

I could go into a long-winded technical description about what makes hot peppers hot, but you could simply google "what makes hot peppers hot" and there you'd be. Suffice it to say that hot peppers are highly aromatic and oily and yummy and mmmmm. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

85% of most mammals dislike the burning sensations. They find them unpleasant, even painful BUT birds are completely unaffected by it and we chiliheads, well, we really like it.

I love peppers. They burn my mouth, and other parts of me, and they make me feel alive! I love the feeling of intense pain and the tingly that goes on. I love the final discovery of the taste of the sweet fruit when my tastebuds finally adapt enough to get me past the pain. But most of all, I love putting hot sauces into my mouth to see how they're going to taste and feel.

Yes, and feel.

If you're a chilihead you know what I mean. The peppers all feel different. Jalapenos don't feel like scotch bonnets any more than scotch bonnets feel like habaneros.

And hot sauces don't feel the same the one to the other either... usually.

Which brings me to my blog for the day...

Every Tuesday night at a little place called Clint's, in Pointe Claire, a group of Chili-heads meets. They each bring their little insulated hot sauce bag and break out the bottles. On any given night a newbie could easily try anywhere between 20 and 30 different hot sauces. And you get a great mix of sauces too, because, some of these guys like it hot, some of them like it flavourful, but like me, what they like most is the way the sauces feel in their mouths and they all feel just a little different.

Well this tuesday we went over to Clint's, which by the way is a nice little bar with a huge restaurant. The menu is alright and they give us a price by the piece on chicken wings, which they accommodatingly cook without any spices; this is what we normally dip into the various hot sauce concoctions.

One of the members brought out this green pasty looking substance in a mason jar. It was thick and icky looking, rather like a bright green tapenade. But was it yummy. I can't even remember what was in it now, but the combination of cilantro and habanero peppers was out of this world.

Jean-Yves, brought a homemade sauce in a woosy. I have no idea what was in that either, but my first guesses include scotch bonnets and vinegar. It wasn't as hot as J-Y had wanted it, but it was tasty.

Marc, the club President and co-founder carted along the hottest thing I have EVER put in my mouth. I was still feeling it the next morning. It was a capsaicin extract he'd picked up in a lab in the states and it wasn't nasty. In fact, I recall no flavour to it at all... Perhaps that's what true extract should taste like? I used one of those little plastic swords to dip into the sauce, which was a bright glossy blood-like red colour and tipped it onto the center of my tongue. Instant pain. Instant extasy! Unbelievable.

I tasted several new sauces that night. And to cool my tongue down, I ordered the restaurant's chocolate mousse cake. The cake was one of those generic mousse cakes that you seem to be able to get all over the place in restaurants where the chef doesn't have the time or perhaps the ability to also be a brilliant pastry chef; you know the ones I mean. Anyway, I took the cake and it wasn't anything special, good; but nothing special. UNTIL, I poured the Raspberries in Heat over top of it. OMG, it was delicious. Every taste bud in my mouth came alive. Now I don't know if you've ever tried raspberries and chocolate together, but it's a wonderful combination, but add the pique of scotch bonnets and the two flavours really come alive. I highly recommend it.

Well I've been munching on Zantac like candy since Tuesday, and I probably will for the next couple of days, until the burn is out of my system, but ooooh man, it was worth it.

If you happen to be a chili-head reading this, and you ever happen to find yourself in Pointe Claire, Quebec on a Tuesday night, look up Clint's in the Pointe Claire Plaza. And when you get there, look for the Spice Boys. It's a fun night out with some great people.

Me out.

Blogging...

This is the first post of my blog. How about that?

What the heck is a blog you ask??? Well, I did a lot of asking that myself, before finally becoming convinced to write one. Especially when I found out that I could add to one by simply emailing myself.

I'm not really quite sure what a blog is yet, myself. I've been watching these things pop up all over the place, post by post and they seem to be pretty popular little things. I've seen some really well written ones. And I've seen some really crappy ones. But mostly what I've seen is fun.

My best friend has one; she uses it to tell the deepest darkest horror stories that are her reality to her entourage. Lots of my customers have them; some of them are professional, some are personal, but they're often about chili peppers and hot sauce. Truth be told, I've even found a couple of new customers because of their blogs.

I mean think about it; here are these weird little internet journals. People publishing daily or weekly journals of their thoughts; their lives, their loves. I've found gripe sessions, information postings, sometimes even boring little monologues about people's lives. But they've got a really cool purpose from what I can see. Although, some of them seem like airing one's dirty laundry to me.

So why blog?? Well, I'm starting to think why not?

Well, I've got lots of reasons why not.

Because, blogging is for people who have nothing better to do. Blogging is for people who have nothing to say to anybody who would listen anyway. Blogging is for people who think that by posting it to the internet, they'll gain the feeling that someone is listening. It's about spilling one's guts and dropping one's pants in a public arena.

And isn't that the sort of thing that makes life fun?

So here goes. When I post this. This will be my first web log, I will own a blog, at http://pepperfire.blogspot.com, called Confessions of a Chilihead.

So, Enjoy or don't. This is about me, not you.