Sunday, May 29, 2005

Violated... send that Tylenol back, wouldya?

You know you're having one of those days when your husband asks you what you want to do and your first thought comes to you in a gritty underworld voice... "Kill the children!"

You and I both know that I'm not the only one to ever think that. And, I'm not referring to parents like Robert and Laura Latimer who killed their severely handicapped child to put her out of her misery, or animals like gerbils who eat their young believing that their existence will decimate the food supply. I'm referring of course to parents who for no other explicable reason than a "t-square planetary alignment" suddenly believe that their children are the only reason that ills of the world exist.

You know, days like today when I open the fridge to get the hot dogs for lunch and the package is there but the hot dogs are gone; devoured by the children.

Later, I toddle to the freezer to get a popsicle that the children have been told not to touch upon threat of death, but they're gone and the empty package is left as the only evidence that they ever existed.

Then I discovered that although I've asked the child to sweep the floor, that they didn't sweep it, but swept the accumulation of all of the breakfast's toast and bagel crumbs onto the floor instead.

As if that's not enough, to add insult to injury, the migraine that I can't figure out how I got, refuses to go away, even after having taken the last two Tylenol 3s and I find that the X-tra Strength acetominaphen bottle is empty but neatly placed back into the medicine cabinet.

I told the children today that if they were rent-paying roommates, they'd be on notice to find a new place to live. It's a wonder we don't have rats.

Oh wait, we do.

We call them "children".


arabia said...

...getting through to kids is like trying to get through to you...its like some kind of mental 'bloq' is going on up their...;) the way, re latimer, he killed his kid to rid himself of his pain, not hers...but that is another story for another time...

...and mind yer manners!

FTS said...

There are often days when I am thankful I'm not a parent. This is one of them. ;-)

Raven Magic said...

True, true, sometimes children can be the most challenging event in a parent's life.

Then again, there are moments where you stand back in total awe of their uniqueness and you realize that despite the challenges, they are becoming their own person in the best way possible.

I find that humour often diffuses those nasty child-induced migraines.

Sometimes putting out an APB on those disappearing hotdogs has a way of making an impression on the child(ren) to let mama know s/he has made the most of the last hotdog in the package.

And look at the bright side ... whoever the culprit was, s/he didn't try to hide the evidence of having taken the last hotdog. ;-)

Oh, and Arabia .... you owe a pre-adult a phone call, don't you?

Anonymous said...

yah, I do. Sorry, have not forgot, but will be doing so. Relax baby raven ;)

he man of arabia said...

that last post was by me, arabia, forgot to put my name in, getting old you know.